Valentine’s Day: Why We Hold Onto Unrealistic Expectations

Valentine’s Day is often portrayed as a magical day filled with grand romantic gestures, heartfelt confessions, and perfect moments. From extravagant proposals in movies to flawless dates on social media, we are surrounded by images of idealized love that often do not match reality.

But what happens when our expectations don’t align with real life? Disappointment, frustration, and even feelings of inadequacy can arise. Why do we hold onto these unrealistic expectations, and how does it impact our mental health?

If you find yourself struggling with feelings of disappointment or loneliness around Valentine’s Day, Rosson Therapy can help you navigate your emotions in a healthy way.

📞 Call Rosson Therapy at 256-434-1664 to schedule an assessment and see if an emotional support animal (ESA) could be beneficial for you.

The Fantasy vs. Reality of Valentine’s Day

We’ve all seen the grand romantic gestures in movies—think about the rain-soaked love confessions, elaborate surprises, and effortless chemistry between two characters. Films like The Notebook, Pretty Woman, and Titanic have painted an image of love that is intense, passionate, and seemingly perfect.

However, real relationships don’t work that way. Love is not about dramatic speeches or sweeping someone off their feet in one perfect moment. Instead, it’s built on trust, communication, and shared experiences—some of which are far from glamorous.

Let’s break down some of the most common Valentine’s Day myths perpetuated by media and compare them to reality:

1. Grand Romantic Gestures Are a Sign of True Love

• Movie Expectation: A man shows up unannounced at the airport, stopping his love from boarding a flight, leading to a passionate reunion.

• Reality: In real life, this would be overwhelming, possibly even intrusive. Love is about consistent effort, not just one grand display.

2. Your Partner Should Just “Know” What You Want

• Movie Expectation: The perfect partner instinctively knows what their significant other wants without ever being told.

• Reality: In real relationships, communication is essential. Expecting your partner to read your mind sets both of you up for disappointment.

3. Love Fixes Everything

• Movie Expectation: Once you find "The One," all your problems—insecurities, past trauma, or even financial struggles—will disappear.

• Reality: Love does not erase personal struggles. A healthy relationship supports growth, but self-improvement is still a personal journey.

4. Valentine’s Day Must Be Perfect

• Movie Expectation: Every February 14th should be filled with candlelit dinners, surprise gifts, and a flawless night out.

• Reality: Real-life Valentine’s Days often include busy schedules, unexpected hiccups, and sometimes just a simple night in with takeout.

Why Do We Cling to Unrealistic Expectations?

1. Media Influence and the “Perfect Romance”

Movies, TV shows, and books have conditioned us to expect dramatic love stories, leading us to believe that real-life relationships should mirror these narratives.

The problem? Most romantic movies only show the highlights, skipping over the mundane or difficult aspects of relationships.

When our relationships don’t measure up to these fictional portrayals, we feel like something is missing—even when our relationship is perfectly healthy.

2. Social Media Pressure

Scrolling through Instagram, it’s easy to see picture-perfect couples, extravagant gifts, and over-the-top Valentine’s Day celebrations.

What we don’t see is:

✔ The arguments leading up to those posts.

✔ The pressure one partner may have felt to create the perfect moment.

✔ The reality behind the smiles—stress, exhaustion, or unrealistic expectations.

Social media promotes comparison culture, making us feel inadequate if our own experiences don’t seem as “special” as what we see online.

3. Childhood Fairytales and Societal Norms

From a young age, we are told fairytales about love—from Cinderella finding her prince to Beauty and the Beast’s magical transformation. These stories instill the idea that love is instant and effortless, leading to disappointment when reality doesn’t match up.

Society also places pressure on individuals to be in relationships, especially on Valentine’s Day. If you’re single, you might feel like you’re “missing out,” even though being single is completely normal and can be fulfilling.

4. The Desire for Validation

Valentine’s Day often becomes a test of love—as if the number of gifts or the grandeur of plans determine the strength of a relationship. This mindset prioritizes external validation rather than appreciating the day for what it truly is: a celebration of love, in any form.

The Mental Health Impact of Unrealistic Expectations

1. Increased Anxiety and Stress

When we set high expectations for Valentine’s Day, we put pressure on ourselves and our relationships. If things don’t go as planned, it can lead to disappointment, frustration, and even questioning the relationship.

2. Feelings of Loneliness or Inadequacy

For those who are single, Valentine’s Day can feel isolating. Unrealistic expectations of love can make people feel like they are missing out, even though relationships do not define self-worth.

3. Struggles with Self-Esteem

If you believe that love should look a certain way—filled with constant passion and effortless romance—you might start feeling like something is wrong with you when reality doesn’t match that ideal. This can impact self-esteem and cause unnecessary strain in relationships.

How to Shift Your Perspective on Valentine’s Day

1. Focus on Realistic Love, Not Movie Love

Real love isn’t about grand gestures—it’s about small, consistent acts of care. A thoughtful text, an inside joke, or a quiet night together can be just as meaningful as a big date.

2. Redefine What Love Means to You

Valentine’s Day isn’t just for couples. Love comes in many forms—friendship, family, self-care, and pets. Spend the day with loved ones who make you feel appreciated.

3. Set Healthy Expectations

✔ Understand that no one is perfect, and no Valentine’s Day will be “flawless.”

✔ Communicate openly with your partner about what you’d like from the day instead of assuming they will know.

✔ Be flexible—if things don’t go as planned, laugh it off and enjoy the moment anyway.

4. Practice Self-Love and Self-Care

If you find Valentine’s Day triggering, use it as an opportunity to practice self-care:

✔ Treat yourself to a nice meal.

✔ Take a break from social media.

✔ Do something that makes you happy—whether that’s reading, exercising, or spending time with pets.

Do You Struggle With Valentine’s Day Disappointments? Therapy Can Help

If you find yourself feeling down, anxious, or lonely around Valentine’s Day, you’re not alone. Many people struggle with expectations versus reality, and therapy can provide a space to explore these feelings.

📞 Call Rosson Therapy at 256-434-1664 to schedule an assessment and see if an emotional support animal (ESA) could provide comfort and companionship.

Whether you're navigating relationships, self-esteem, or unrealistic expectations, Rosson Therapy is here to help.

Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be perfect—real love isn’t about one day, but about the moments that happen every day. 💙